Confessions

    I have a confession to make: I have no idea what I am doing.

    Lately I have felt so off centered, and I just can't figure out why. Its like the world is revolving around me yet I am just stuck. A statue frozen in time. Or am I just lost and wandering? You see I just can't figure it out. Nothing that used to bring me joy--things that made me, ME--bring me joy anymore. The really sad part is, not only does it not bring me joy anymore, but it doesn't make me feel anything at all. Sometimes I think to myself that maybe I am just changing as a person--growing. But growing into who? With all these lost interests, I haven't come by a single new one. I can't find the match that thaws my frozen heart. So if that is the case then I hate the person I am growing into.

    Thats the worst part of all this. I am growing to hate myself. I am learning to hate the dull person I am becoming, and I hate how EASY it is becoming to hate myself. 

'Thats the kind of person I am? Easy?' 

So would you call that depression? Who knows; because it is definitely not me. I don't feel depressed. I have slim to nothing to be sad about. I know many people have it a lot worse than I do--and before you say anything, I already know, I can practically hear my therapist screaming "that's not the point", "that doesn't matter".

So if you feel like you have been in my shoes--or you are currently in them--just know you aren't alone. Don't come looking for me for advice because like I said, I have no idea what I am doing. And If you have any advice for me--if you pulled through, if you found that match--feel free to reach out because any help would be greatly appreciated.