About Me

    The other day I was driving home. It was night, we were driving through the city, and to be honest I can't remember why. However, I do remember the conversation I had with myself in my head while other conversations whirled around the car like white noise. What is it that make the few people who like me, like me? and what is it that make the even fewer people who love me, love me? I try and see myself through my boyfriends eyes, and it's hard. I can't say i'm not lucky, because I am. He compliments me everyday, in small phrases like 'Good Morning beautiful' and 'Hello gorgeous'; or smacking my ass when I walk up stares in front of him, and holding my hand in public. Physical attraction wasn't the explanation I was looking for though. It was the intellectual and emotional attraction that peaked my curiosity.

    So I sat in the car trying to think of reasons one might find me interesting or 'like me', and then I thought to myself, 'well what do I like about me?'.

    

I'd like to believe that, that question is as hard for everyone else, as it was for me. Sadly I know the truth of this world, and theres a lot more big headed people in it than one might think.

    

    We drove passed the clock tower, all lit up against the night sky and the twinkling background of the other buildings. And I finally thought of one thing. I love clock towers. No matter what city I am in they will most likely be my favorite structure. After that it became easier. I though of objects I love, or things I love to do, and my aspirations. Before I knew it I had a whole list in my head of reasons why I enjoy my own company.  

    I don't love cities, all I want out of my life is to live in a romanic cottage, have a few animals, and write. I think thats why I am so attracted to clock towers, because out of all the other buildings and sky scrapers, filled with people working their lives away, the ticking and the chiming will remind you that life is going on--with or without you.

    I love to read, I hate doing my studying in libraries though. They are too quiet, the perfect place to people watch; which is actually quite distracting. The smallest noise--a shuffle of paper, a sneeze, or the scratching of a pencil--can pull me away from my books and into a deep state of distraction. I'd rather a nice quaint coffee shop, somewhere where the small talk, and the grinding of coffee beans will keep you from drowning in the silence. Because thats what silence is, drowning.

    Don't get me wrong though, I never said I hated libraries. I said they are the perfect place to people watch--and I love to people watch. There is a place and a time for people watching though, and thats in a library when you're bored and broke, but definitely not studying. Libraries are probably my second favorite structure, especially old ones.

    I find the smell of the books is intoxicating. I want to have my own library one day, so I can escape into a world that I wasn't meant for--Oh how I wish I was meant for a place like Velaris. I think thats when I am happiest, curled up in a good book. The only thing that would make the moment better is if my cat were curled up with me.

    I can't pick a favorite season, it's the biggest reason why I will never be able to leave New England. I love to swim, I love to read on the beach. When the leaves begin to change it makes for the most romantic pictures, and Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday. I struggle with seasonal depression, really badly actually, but I love the snow; the way snowstorms can be so vicious yet so calming. And spring? Well, spring is when I feel like I can breathe again.

    I am very protective of my siblings, I love and love hard. But when I cry, I cry hard too. Giving gifts feels like a gift to myself, giving smiles makes me smile. I love animals more than 99% of the human population. I hate politics and how politicians are so greedy and blatantly ignore science. I'm a talker, could talk to a wall, but I suck at sparking conversation with the person you end up stuck in the elevator with. I am independent, but sometimes it can be crippling because it is really hard for me to ask for help, and a lot easier to isolate myself with my anxiety or depression.

    So thinking back to all these things that I love, they are great and for the most part they help me love myself; but I guess they didn't lie when they said to much of anything is bad for you.